The teachings of the Buddha offer timeless wisdom, not only for spiritual development but also for navigating everyday life. One such teaching, recorded in the Anguttara Nikaya (Numerical Discourses of the Buddha), describes the seven types of wives.
Though the message was delivered in ancient India, its core lessons about human behavior, relationships, and personal responsibility still resonate today. Related article - how do you practice Buddhism?.
This teaching was given to a woman named Sujata, who was married to a wealthy man. She was known to be strong-willed and often disrespectful toward her husband. Concerned for her spiritual wellbeing and the harmony of her household, her husband asked the Buddha to advise her.
In response, the Buddha described seven archetypes of wives—three negative and four positive—encouraging Sujata to reflect on her behavior and choose wisely the kind of wife she wished to be.
The Three Destructive Types of Wives
The Buddha began by outlining three types of wives who cause harm, whether through cruelty, deceit, or selfishness. These are examples to be avoided, as they lead to unhappiness and suffering for both partners.
The Destructive Wife (Vadhaka-bharya)
Also known as the "murderous" or "hostile" wife, she is filled with anger and hostility. She is disrespectful, controlling, and may even wish harm upon her husband. Related article - why I am feeling lonely.
This archetype represents a partner who destroys harmony through aggression and contempt. The Buddha warned that such a woman is a danger not just to her spouse, but also to her own spiritual welfare.
The Thief-like Wife (Chori-bharya)
This wife is dishonest and deceitful. She may steal money or resources from her husband, act in secret, and hide her true intentions. Her loyalty is questionable, and her actions are driven by self-interest. According to the Buddha, this type of wife erodes trust and brings ruin to a household.
The Mistress-like Wife (Ayyā-bharya)
Also called the domineering or bossy wife, she acts as though her husband is beneath her. She is haughty, disrespectful, and treats her husband like a servant. In this dynamic, love and respect are absent, replaced by control and disdain. Such a relationship lacks mutual regard and cannot thrive.
The Four Noble Types of Wives
After warning about the negative types, the Buddha turned to four kinds of wives who bring peace, stability, and happiness. These women are aligned with the qualities of compassion, wisdom, and moral conduct—the heart of Buddhist practice.
The Mother-like Wife (Mātu-bharya)
This wife treats her husband with the same care and compassion that a mother gives her child. She is protective, nurturing, and selfless. While the analogy may seem uneven, the Buddha’s point is that she is a source of comfort and unconditional love. Her actions are motivated by kindness and a deep sense of duty.
The Sister-like Wife (Bhagini-bharya)
This wife shows the affection and respect one would expect between close siblings. She is respectful, loyal, and modest. This type of relationship is grounded in equality, companionship, and mutual respect. The "sister" archetype reflects a supportive and emotionally intimate marriage.
The Friend-like Wife (Sakhi-bharya)
She is her husband's best friend—supportive, loving, and trustworthy. She shares his joys and sorrows, and they stand by each other in all situations. This type is based on genuine friendship, one of the strongest foundations for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. In Buddhism, spiritual friendship (kalyāṇa mittatā) is considered essential, and this wife embodies that ideal.
The Servant-like Wife (Dāsi-bharya)
This wife is obedient, humble, and eager to serve. Not in the sense of blind submission, but with a sincere wish to create a peaceful and cooperative home. She places her husband’s needs above her own, not out of fear or inferiority, but from a spirit of selfless devotion. The Buddha praised such humility when it arises from inner strength and love. You may like to read - five timeless teachings from the Dalai Lama here.
A Mirror for Self-Reflection
Though the teaching is specifically about wives, its real power lies in its universality. It invites all people—regardless of gender or marital status—to reflect on how they treat others. Are we compassionate or critical? Are we loyal or deceptive? Do we seek control or foster understanding?
Importantly, the Buddha did not use this teaching to assign rigid gender roles. In fact, in many other discourses, he emphasized equality in spiritual potential between men and women. This list serves more as a character mirror than a prescription for how wives should behave.
Relevance in Modern Times
In today’s world, relationships are more equal and dynamic than ever. Yet the core principles—kindness, honesty, humility, and respect—remain foundational. Whether as a wife, husband, or partner, embodying these values can lead to healthier, more harmonious relationships.
This teaching also reminds us that character is not fixed. Sujata, after hearing the Buddha’s discourse, was deeply moved. After hearing the Buddha's words, Sujata was deeply moved. When asked which type of wife she intended to be, she humbly replied, “I will be the last of the wives—the devoted, servant-like wife to my husband.” Her transformation is a testament to the power of mindful self-reflection and moral growth.
Final thought
The Buddha's discourse on the seven types of wives is not just a lesson in marital roles; it is a guide to ethical living. It encourages us to choose compassion over control, honesty over deceit, and service over selfishness.
Regardless of gender or status, we can all benefit from looking within and asking: What kind of partner am I—and what kind do I want to become?
Thanks.
Written By HarvestedSpiritualmind.
Spiritual Practice and Life Motivation Researchers.